Existing through each day is essentially autopilot. Doing the bare minimum and keeping up appearances. You also don’t have to necessarily be depressed to exist like this.

I was pondering things during my run today, by the way a run is an excellent time to ponder things… helps the minutes tick by while you forget how much your thighs burn. Anyways, I was pondering how much time I spend just existing and what the difference between existing and living was.

There are some days I’m fully engaged. I’ve got projects, to do lists, they get done, I get happy. So why don’t I do this all the time? Why is it so easy to curl up on the couch and blow through 4+ episodes of my current obsession TV show? (Army Wives at the moment if anyone is interested lol). The danger of this is that it leads into a loop. I feel kinda blah so I veg and do NADA, stuff around the house slips and gets cluttered, and rather than feeling energized after a few hours of doing nothing I’m even more tired than when I got started.

In comparison a day when I hop outta bed and get my run in, do the dishes, prep dinner, clean the house, do the laundry, run errands, do some shopping and make cupcakes for Minime’s birthday I am energetic and wanting more. It’s an interesting conundrum that doing stuff actually gives us energy. For me, I think it’s a mindset. Forcing myself to get off my butt and taking care of things, engaging with my day and living flips a switch in my brain. I’m productive, efficient, I don’t feel like a failure, instead I feel fantastic! That after veg-guilt is a killer.

I realized that a lot of my New Year’s Resolutions are actually centered around making the change from existing to living, and if I had to sum them up in a single resolution that’s what it would be. Even on days when “I don’t feel like” I’m going to force myself to do it anyway, because I know that when I do, I’ll feel a lot better.

This has been a pretty journal-like blog post, but meh, I like sharing my thoughts with y’all. It helps me to wrap my brain around abstract concepts when I try and sort them into a blog post. Some days I succeed better than others. It also helps motivate me and keep me accountable. However to make this less introspective I shall now issue a challenge to anyone who reads this.

Stop sleepwalking, stop existing, and start living.

I am of the personal opinion that friends are one of the greatest gifts given to us in this life. The power a friend has to influence and change our lives is really unfathomable. I for one am guilty of not appreciating my friends as much as I should. While I might say it, I want to start acting on it.

The internet can be a hell-hole. Honestly, look at any even moderately controversial post somewhere with a lot of traffic and if you can make it 10 comments without a troll I’d like to know where that haven is please. People employ the anonymous nature of cyberspace to forget all common decency. I read an article today saying that the best place to stir up conflict is the internet. Couldn’t agree more.

That is not all the internet is good for. I don’t know where I’d be without the friends I’ve met online. See, I’m kind of socially awkward. It’s hard for me to feel comfortable with people and truth be told a lot of the time I’d rather just stay home with a good book. I’ve got odd and varied tastes. All of these things are totally ok, and thanks to the internet I have discovered other kindred spirits.

They’ve broadened my horizons, got me thinking in new ways. I hear about books, movies, ideas, news that I wouldn’t otherwise have been exposed to. Thanks to the wonder of time zones there is nearly always someone around to talk to, at any time of the day. For a chronic insomniac that is a gift in and of itself.

Now I’ve already made my resolutions for the new year but I’m going to add this one. I want to start showing my appreciation to my friends in tangible ways. A card in the mail letting them know I thought about them. Maybe an email every once and a while. Finding out what’s going on in their lives and supporting them through it like they support me – or on the happy side, celebrating with them too. It’s my goal to be more intentional about my friendships, rather than taking them for granted I’m going to invest the work into them that they deserve.

Before I wrap this up I want to call out a few people I’ve met online that I can’t imagine life without: Lora, Monty, Eric, Carrie, Willa, Ben, Lindsey and Annie Cristina. Thank you guys so much ♥ Life would be a much crappier place without y’all in it.

I would say with resounding confidence that I have written more (and better) this year than years past. Yeah not a lot of is getting shared, but it’s been there. Of note is this year’s NaNo which I am still very very pleased with. The other be change has to be that I am certainly more peaceful. I have my days, we all do, but I get over it. Getting my own place has helped, added responsibility is also added freedom.

Am I healthier? Mmmm, maybe. Not as healthier as I imagined myself being. Although the last month I’ve made strides in that direction that I hope to keep through this coming year. One thing I did not do was travel. But I’m ok with that… for now.

Enough of last year, onto this year!

In 2012…

I want to continue to improve my health. Largely through running. Specifically:

Run the Vancouver Sun Run (10km)
Run the Vancouver Half-Marathon (20km)

In addition to exercise I’ll also be continuing to cut out processed foods. In particular

Limit carbs to once per day
Drastically reduce refined (white) sugar 

I’d like to continue to work on my brain as well. Not being a student is taking a toll on my mental processes. The brain being like a muscle it needs exercise. To that end I am going to

Learn a new language, Irish
Read more (Goodreads challenge of 60 books this year – 2011 had me reading 50)

Lastly, I want to work on skills I already possess. Things I’ve dabbled in I want to work on and improve rather than just continue to be “meh”. This means taking classes and actual practice.

Signed up for a cake decorating class this month
Take a community center painting or drawing class

Last, but not least, I think this picture sums up my overall goal for the year:

When I started I was running just under 3km in the 30 min. Today I managed 3.4km. This is not yet fast enough for me to be able to finish the half marathon in the 3 hour max but I think if I keep it up I’ll get there. To that end I’ve decided to run the 20km half-marathon in June as opposed to the 5k at the same event. In preparation for that I’m going to be doing the Vancouver Sun Run which is a 10k event and I should actually be able to run the entire thing!

Taking care of myself feels great. Those mornings when I force myself to get out of bed at some ungodly hour (like 5:30AM) and head out to run in the FREEZING cold with the frost still on the ground and I’m praying for the warmup to be over and the run to start so I can build up some body heat it’s like saying “self – I love you”. Little changes have been taking place in my mental processes that I’m sure are a result of starting to run. I make better choices, I know I’ll feel better after doing things I don’t necessarily want to do at the time (like running at 5:30 AM), and overall I feel like a far more together and functional adult.

It doesn’t matter what you do, just that you do it. Take care of yourself. And you don’t have to wait til New Year’s to do it. Make a change now, you’ll thank yourself later.

./motivational crap

Now that we’ve got that out the way, let’s get right into this shall we?

I love Twitter. Seriously love Twitter. I have met so many awesome people through that service. But the way some people use it make me want to scream in frustration, and sometimes I do.

1. Please for the love of my stream do not RT every post from the same person, no matter how epic/funny/clever/whatever you think it is. A few well-done RTs are great, but don’t flood your followers with it. If they wanted to follow said person, they would!

But… they don’t know about said person!!

2. Which brings us to #FollowFriday. This is not a chance for you to @ every. single. person. on your followers list. I can’t possibly sum it up better than this article by The Oatmeal.

In a nutshell: pick 1-3 people you follow and give them a #FollowFriday shout, perhaps with a little blurb about why I should follow them. Anything more is unnecessary and highly annoying.

3. Speaking of highly annoying. Let’s discuss the different between RT and @reply.

RT – This sends the message to all of your followers. Usually used to share a quote, picture, video, blog, whatever. It should NOT be used in the following manner to hold a conversation.

<obscure comment> RT @(7+ ppl) <even more obscure comment>

The above is EXTREMELY annoying and very likely to get you unfollowed. This is not to say that adding a comment is wrong, it can be used very effectively to increase humor:

<related comment> RT @(1person) <content that will be understood by more than one person>

If you’re holding a conversation please use the following method to reply to them:

@(person A) @(person B) @(whoever) <response>

In most cases only the people who you @ will see the response. An exception is made only in the case where all parties are followed by someone else, in which case they’ll have seen the whole conversation and it makes sense.

tl;dr = RT and @reply are different and SHOULD be used accordingly.

Originally I had intended to also cover Google+ tips but I think this is long and ranty enough for now… next week I’ll do the G+ thing. Please forgive my little rant – I just felt the need to put it out there lol.

One side-effect of throwing myself into writing like that was that my habits, so carefully developed, of home cooking, eating healthy, etc were pretty much thrown out the window. Between writing and then fighting off some kind of sickness where I don’t actually get sick but instead feel completely exhausted all the time I have fallen off the wagon. And yes, I realize that the falling off the wagon probably contributed to the sick/tired thing.

I’ve discovered that the more careful I am about what I eat the more crappy food affects me in a negative way. This is good I suppose, it means my body isn’t used to it, but still.. ugh. But it’s time to get back on the wagon. Sick and tired of feeling sick an tired, so I’m going to cowgirl up, get back into good routines and stop beating myself up for the slip.

To that end I have two plans and associated goals. The first is to stick to the 100 Push Ups a Day until I reach the point where I can do 100 “boy” push ups. See with my shoulder being the way it is, I can’t really do proper push ups so I am going to start with 100 “girly” push ups which I find less stressful on the shoulder/back muscles and once I reach that goal, go back and start again with “proper” push ups. I won’t go on about the health benefits of push ups, I’ll only say it’s a great way to get fit.

Secondly, and more actively, I will be starting the Couch to 5K plan. This training schedule basically takes you from being totally inactive to being able to run 30 min without stopping. The long term goal of this is to be able to run a half-marathon.  Which leads me into the last point.

This summer, in June, I’m going to participate in the Scotiabank Vancouver Half-Marathon and 5K with the goal of helping to raise money for the BC Cancer Foundation. Two things are really motivating me towards this. The first being I had a tumor when I was 19 and thanks to the doctors who caught it early and moved quickly I’m totally fine. The second is a lot bigger. My Uncle, who is really the only member of my Dad’s family that I’ve had a chance to get to know due to them being largely in Eastern Canada, has recently been diagnosed with cancer. He’s currently undergoing chemo and had surgery earlier this year to remove a tumor. It was the first time, other than my experience, that cancer has really hit close. The combination of this news and a very strong knowledge that I really need to get myself healthier is the motivation behind this goal. I’m not sure yet whether I’ll be participating in the 5k or the half marathon, but I will be there and I would really like to do the half marathon.

I also got another blog started but I haven’t spent much time working on it lately. A lot of things have fallen to the wayside this month but I’m getting back on top of it as the month comes to a close. One of the things that’s getting picked up is this blog. I have no idea what sort of schedule I’ll stick to, but I’ll write, I promise.

To get things rolling, EYE CANDY! See, I’m not much of a celebrity crush kind of person. 99% of the time I really don’t care a smidgen for the actor, I fall for the character. So… in honor of NaNo and all the incredible characters we’re creating… a list of my favorites.

Mr Darcy

In vain have I struggled, it will not do. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

My biggest and for always fictional love – the seductive Mr Darcy. The way he looks at Lizzy in this scene makes my heart skip several beats. I just love Every. Single. Thing about this elitist jerk <3

The Doctor

They can shoot me dead, but the moral high ground is mine.

So after the oldest crush on the list comes the newest. David Tennant as “The Doctor”. I’ll be honest this is the closest I’ve probably ever been to a celebrity crush. While I do love “The Doctor” in general there’s something about Tennant’s that just tugs at my heart strings. Especially that smile, with those glasses…

Colonel Jack O’Neill

Sir, permission to beat the crap out of this man.

Proof that some things get better with age – YUMMY! Losing the mullet was the best thing to ever happen to this Hottie McHotterson. But it’s really not just looks, his personality is what really sells it. Irreverent, loyal, funny and bad-ASS O’Neill with TWO L’s is totally a silver fox.

Damon Salvatore

There’s no such thing as a bad idea, just poorly executed awesome ones.

Ahh, Damon Salvatore is exactly what vampire guys should be. Hot, funny, and misbehaved. He starts out as quite the bad boy and eventually you just have to grow to love him (if you didn’t already). He’s a bit of a jerk but under it all he loves those close to him fiercely and would do anything for them – which is a trait I absolutely adore. The dark hair with the blue eyes is just a very, very nice bonus.

Dean Winchester

Honestly, I think the world’s going to end bloody. But it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t fight. We do have choices. I choose to go down swingin’.

So, if you recognize any of these guys you’re probably starting to notice a little bit of a theme – funny, sarcastic, badboys who often bend the rules to suit them. And the king of that? Dean Winchester. Oh man, I could go on for hours about his charm and his humor. But what really sells it is despite his rough side, he tries to do the right thing, again a guy who’d do anything for those close to him.

Sherlock Holmes

I’m not a psychopath, I’m a highly functioning sociopath. Do your research.

Yes, I have a thing for smart elitist jerks. So sue me. Also British… mmmmmm

Spike

I may be love’s biatch, but at least I’m man enough to admit it.

Speaking of hot British men… hellooooooo Spike! His character development over the course of Buffy was just heart-warming. I love him as bad boy and as the antihero, he’s just… well.. can I have him for Christmas?

Snape

After all this time? Always.

Thank you Lora for pointing out this oversight! I totally left Snape off the list by accident. Poor misunderstood Snape, so hated by everyone, so loyal… so evil haha. Plus he has that voice… just so…

House

Sometimes the best gift is the gift of never seeing you again.

I absolutely fell in LOVE with House in the first couple seasons, before they got all super soap-opera/psychologically twisted with it. He’s brilliant, leave him alone.

It was interesting compiling this list. I definitely noticed a theme that leans heavily towards the slightly outside the law/normal human behavior - shocker!

Honorable mention goes to two characters from my friend Foot’s novel – August and Devlock. I love those two boys SO much! <3

So… who are your fictional crushes?

First though, I need to tell you how I found this recipe. I’ve been a proud member of G+ since like day one. Google Plus is a great social network which is now open to the public, so you should go sign up. I quickly discovered (not totally sure how) this guy named Lee Allison who offered cooking schools via hangouts, awesome idea right?! I’ve not yet been able to attend one but it’s HIGH on the list. Not only does he offer cooking schools, he spends the day posting fantastic recipes to his stream. (PS. He also has a cooking school online called The Social Skillet that offered free and paid classes.)

Anyways, it’s largely thanks to his posting of great looking recipes that I’m getting more adventurous in the kitchen and succeeding! It was through him I discovered the best Whole Wheat Bread recipe and a website that is just too awesome for words, Budget Bytes ( CC BY-NC 3.0 ). If you do any of the cooking in your house at all you need go check out that site.

The following recipe is from that website, via Lee Allison’s stream. Beth (owner of Budget Bytes) has got a great step by step for it but because I like pretty pictures I’m going to post my own hehe.

Apple Flax Muffins

Ok before I get started I have to just share a little funny story. Won’t take long I promise! So I picked up the ingredients for this recipe (although I forgot yogurt – more on that later) and was all excited to spend my Sunday afternoon filling the house with the smell of baking. To get home and discover I actually don’t own a muffin tin. Aww yeah, I am that kitchen savvy. Thankfully my Mom and Dad are. One slightly embarrassing phone call and a quick trip over the highway (I love that they live so close!) and I was ready to go.

Wet Ingredients

• 1/2 C Brown Sugar (ok so not technically wet but it’s not really a dry ingredient either)
• 1 Egg
• 1/2 C Apple Sauce
• 1/2 C Plain Yogurt (I used fat free sour cream instead. I wish I could give you some great technical reason like I wanted it to have this consistency or that. Nope… it’s what I had and I figured it was worth a shot.)

Dry Ingredients

• 1 3/4 Whole Wheat Flour
• 3/4 C Ground Flax Seed (I used whole, gives it an interesting crunch. If you’re going to be sharing these with kids you’ll probably want to grind them)
• 2 tsp Baking Soda
• 1/2 tsp Baking Powder
• 1/2 tsp Salt
• 1/2 tsp Cinnamon

Separate Bowl

• 2 Medium Apples (chopped – like the original recipe I left the skin on. I made sure to cut them into rather small bits though rather than super huge chunks)

Next you’ll want to mix the wet into the dry. Don’t overmix. Then fold in the apple chunks.

Scoop into the muffin tin (which you can borrow from your Mom if you don’t have one lol). The recipe says it makes 12, I actually got more like 16 but my muffins are on the smaller side, and I kind of like them that way. It’s your kitchen, your call.

Bake @ 400F for about 20 min and enjoy!

Like she says in her post, they freeze great. Once they’d cooled I popped all of mine in a freezer bag and I just pull one out for a snack, or breakfast or whatever. I do have to say I think they taste best warm.

Even to the point that I posted a very relevant quote from Lord of the Rings.

“I feel… thin. Sort of stretched, like… butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday. A very long holiday. And I don’t expect I shall return. In fact I mean not to.”

I am pretty sure most people have felt like that at some point. We’re juggling jobs, and personal, and social stuff… and they’re all things we want but damn if they aren’t just a lot.

For me this quest to go back to basics with food is something I’m super excited about. But there’s a reason pre-packaged, processed food has become such a norm. Making everything from scratch is time consuming! Even if it’s fun it still eats up time.

So in the midst of my feeling very tired someone posted a great link onto my G+ feed. It’s so great I think you should stop reading this post, follow the link and the instructions, and then come back when you’re done ok?

http://www.drawastickman.com/

Back? Ok good. Did you smile? I sure did. That message at the end was a reminder that I really needed. Life is beautiful. We are blessed here in Vancouver to be in one of the most stunning places this world has to offer. But it doesn’t really matter where you live, I’m sure there’s beauty there.

Amidst all the business, take a minute to appreciate the creative and the cool.

We can’t all do what Bilbo did. Pick up and go live with the elves, spending our days eating and drinking and making songs. Although if anyone figures out how that works you wanna hook a girl up?

Anyways, I’m pretty capable of handling these. It’s like “Your call is very…” *click* *mutters under breath* *continues on with day*

It’s really a solid strategy. But yesterday I got a new one. See, my Dad blocks his number. He has this thing with people calling him lol. So when I see an “Unknown” pop up on my cell I tend to answer. Usually because if Dad is calling something Bad happened. He’s not really the type to just pick up the phone to chat. Phone rings, it’s “Unknown” so I pick it up. They tell me they have an important message for Rachelle Mitchell and I should press 1 if that’s me.

This is a new one for me. Given that I’m in the process of getting my financial self together I figure it’s probably someone I need to talk to having just paid off a bunch of bills and I go ahead and press 1.

Protip: Don’t do this.

Some guy with a very strong accent answers.

Accent Guy: “Hello! If you could just tell us what number you were calling from…”

Me: “You mean it’s so important you didn’t even know who you were calling?”

*click*

My theory: when it’s ACTUALLY important a real live person who knows who they’re calling and why can call me. Then I will happily talk to them. Until then, it’s obviously not that big of a deal.